What Happens In This House...

Ever heard this? Maybe it was from a parent or grandparent. Continue reading to understand how the enemy uses this to produce fear and iniquity.

I can remember hearing this more often than I care to admit. I never understood why it was said so I just proceeded to live a life where it became the norm. It wasn't until I began raising my own children and seeing them get older that I started to think about my childhood and ultimately began to see how much these words distorted my world.

DISCLAIMER: I am fully aware that this is going to make some people uncomfortable. My goal is never to hurt, only to see all of us healed and whole.

Not many of us understand how words impacted our lives. Whether negatively or positively, there is no doubt that words have impacted us all. Sometimes we do not realize the effect until it is too late and until it has shown up in every facet of our lives. I don't like to speak on stereotypes but this phrase has been heard out of the lips of many African-American parents, specifically black mothers. I have been guilty of speaking these words and I have quickly had to retract them from my lips and from my children's lives.

"What happens in this home, stays in this home" breeds a level of pain that is not easily seen nor healed. It is restrictive, secretive, and causes those who live by this toxic perspective to suffer in silence. This is so far from the heart and character of Christ that I do not know where to start. The enemy eats this up and uses this to gain the access that he so desperately desires. For years, these words have been used to control and have enabled corruption and neglect within households.

In a perfect world, there would never be anything that is done in a home that a family would not want to have shared with others, or even the entire world, if it came down to it. The truth of the matter is that in the privacy of many homes there were things going on that the world was never supposed to know about which is why this phrase gained so much traction in the hearts, minds, and mouths of many. If neighbors were to find out about why the children next door never come outside or fellow church members were to learn what is really being said or done to the children in that family, it just might tarnish the family's perfect image.

This is how the control comes into play and why the enemy is able to shut the mouths of involved individuals. Not only does the devil use these situations to control but as long as no one says anything, he is able to suggest that no one will believe you if you said anything now or that there was something that you did to provoke certain things to take place. When we keep quiet about our reality and the things that are hurting or harming us, the enemy wins because fear becomes our new reality and this is how iniquity comes into existence. Anytime we are not willing to confess our sins or shortcomings, anytime we refuse to deal with a problem that is present, that becomes hidden sin or iniquity. The longer we go without speaking out and bringing light to a dead, toxic or inappropriate situation, the easier it becomes for the devil to use the fear, guilt, and shame of these things to eat away at our souls until we cannot recognize, let alone surrender to, the love of Jesus.

Over the years, it was painful to admit but my childhood home was where I learned to be hypocritical, to hide my pain, and pretend that everything was alright, but most of all, this home was where I learned to be dishonest and deceptive - which is a sin that I struggled with for many years until the Lord destroyed those chains. Put simply, it was where I learned to wear a mask and present half-truths to the world because no one else was supposed to ever be privy to the goings-on of our home. I always dreaded having learned specific negative lessons in my childhood home but I have begun to realize how God really does use everything for His glory.

I vowed not to raise my own children in an environment like the one I grew up in and, over the years, the Lord allowed me to make the necessary adjustments in my life in an attempt to remain accountable. My home is now, and will always be, a place of love, truth, authenticity, comfort, and most of all, a place where my children can always feel safe and protected. Of course, they understand balance- which is a whole other story in itself - but they know that there are never any repercussions when they decide to share things done in our home with others. That makes them a lot less guarded than I was as a child and a lot freer and that's just the way I like it.